This week I had a conversation with a friend who was selling
her house. She began to tell me how she
understood that she could not have complete control over who buys her house,
but she wanted a “normal family” to buy her house. When I asked her what she meant by “normal
family”, she responded by saying “a two-parent home with maybe a dog…you know a
typical American family.” She continued
to say “I’m not racist or anything but, I’ve only had families who are Arab look
at my house. They have multiple families
living in one house and they are taking over the neighborhood”. My first respond to her was usually when
someone has to start a statement with “I’m not a racist, but…” it means they
are about to say something that is offensive.
I continued by telling her that there are numerous definitions of a
family. The subject was quickly changed.
I thought about this conversation for a couple of days. There were so many hidden messages! My friend, who is a white woman, gave me the
message that the definition of a “normal family” is a white American,
two-parent home. She also sent the
message that a home is made up of immediate family only and those who have
extended family does not belong in the neighborhood. It felt like there was a sense of entitlement,
a sense that she wanted to protect her neighborhood from anything or anyone
outside of what she considered to be normal.
Wow Dahlia. That is all I can say. I have not seen a family made up of that description in years. So many families are blended and so many homes have extended families living together. Families live together not just because they love each other, but because it is cost effective these days. In my belief a normal family is a group of people that love each other for better or worse.
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction is ... well, what if there is an Arab family (or other ethnic family) that is made up of a two-parent home with a dog? Would this still not constitute as the "normal family?" Even if a so-said "normal family" were to move into your friend's, it could very well be dysfunctional or have problems. In my opinion, there really is no set definition for a normal family. Family is made up through the eye of the beholder. My family is my son and I (for now), while my parents consider their family of themselves, their two adult children, their two dogs, their grandson, etc. Definitions of family range so widely even within dominant culture. Thank you for sharing this example!
ReplyDeleteErin
This incident makes me think that racism is very much about what we do not know about another culture. I think many people simply are not brave enough to get to know a person from another culture. Getting to know people takes risks. Getting to know people has many many benefits (understanding others, understanding ourselves, gaining new friends, etc.) too. I hope your friend can open her mind to getting to know other cultures. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad to say but some people are still not open-minded about our ever changing world. My first reaction is what is "normal" these days. I believe that everyone has a different definition of a "normal" family and there is no right answer.
ReplyDeleteHi Dalhia
ReplyDeleteI am sure that the subject quickly changed because racism is one of those topics that make people uncomfortable, and that is a big issue in our society. It goes to show how remarks we make thinking them as nothing often have racial undertones to them. These are the unintentional forms of microaggressions where the person saying comments gives no thought that they could possible be offensive. Thanks for sharing!
I think this is where we make mistakes as people. We have ideas of what people are suppose to look like and act like. I often project my images of how people should look and act onto others based of the idea of my "perfect".
ReplyDeleteYou are so right! When people begin a statement with "I am not a racist or anything but..." they are always going to say something that is prejudice or a form of microaggression. That statement alone speaks volumes.
ReplyDelete